Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Back to the grind

I have been gone for a week on vacation so I haven't been running. I had planned on going along with my running plan while on vacation but you know how that goes. Just not gonna happen. I had the best of intentions, really! Anyway, I had a great time. Ate ALOT, drank a little, and even caught my first fish! It was awesome. I love fishing, and being on the lake was so relaxing.
I was going to get back into running Monday but it was so damn hot out, I just couldn't get myself motivated. Okay, it was more than the heat. I was only gone a week but it threw everything in my life off. The eating habits I have worked so hard to develop have all gone out the window, exercise isn't easy to do, it sucks! But I am making an effort and I know I will get back into the swing of things. So yesterday it was pretty hot out again. In the 90's and our house was like a furnace. After work I sat around watching TV all night in front of the air conditioner. How fun, right? It definitely put me in a bad mood. TV always does that to me when I watch too much of it. When will I ever learn? So my boyfriend got home at 8:30, just when I asked him to so I could take a run. I really, really, REALLY, did not want to go. I tried to think of every excuse in the book to keep me from running. But in the end I knew that I had to go. I looked at the temperature outside and it said 72 so my final reason not to run backfired on me. It wasn't too hot. I laced up my shoes and hit the streets. I was pissed. Seriously, I was mad. I didn't want to be there and I was angry that I was making myself go. Looking back I think this bad mood of mine had more to do with a certain time of month than just plain laziness. Of course, as always, once I got out there it was a great experience. I loved it really. I think running will be so good for me. I feel so good when I am doing it and nothing else matters to me at that moment. By the end I am completely sweaty and worn out and I feel great! I can't wait till I can run for a full twenty minutes. That will be such an accomplishment for me. It really gives me something to look forward to and I love the thought of getting into the best shape of my life. I love to think I will physically be in better shape now than when I was a teenager. And if I could lose 10 pounds on the way, hey, all the better!
As for now, I am scared to step on the scale. I ate so much this past week, I just can't stand to weight myself. I am so easily discouraged, I just don't want to put myself through that. Sounds stupid, but I know the way I am and if I see a weight gain I will be less likely to stick with my diet. That so doesn't make sense. It should be the other way around. But, since I know this about me I am going to avoid the scale for a couple weeks. See if I can undo the damage before I look. The sad part is that on my vacation I felt so guilty for eating that I couldn't enjoy it like I should of.I hate the guilt. It's the worst. And as much as I knew that I shouldn't feel guilty, I just couldn't stop it in my head. Yet I continued to eat! Oh well, back to grind.

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